


A Life Worth Everything

by TellATale



Category: Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich - Fandom, Shameless US - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Soul Mates/Second Chance/ Family/Sex/Love/Sexual Tension/Jealousy/
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-20
Updated: 2014-10-26
Packaged: 2018-02-18 02:07:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2331239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TellATale/pseuds/TellATale
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been a year since that terrible night where Terry caught them, a year since Mickey got married, a year since Ian left...Ian is now back home having been kicked out of the Army, hoping to have another chance of the life, the person he left behind, but things have changed; Terry's dead, Lip and Mandy are back together, Svetlana ran off with her girlfriend and Mickey is now raising his son alone and has become a somewhat familiar fixture in the Gallagher household...but the biggest change of all... Mickey has a boyfriend...Can Ian get a second chance with his soulmate? Make up for past mistakes and have the life they where always meant to?</p><p>*the everts from terry catching them to mickey getting married and ian running away all happened very close to each other, hence the one year since these events.<br/>*ian does not have bipolar in this (as I have no personal experience nor no anyone with bipolar I felt It better I left it out in this particular instance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Apart is never forever...

I thought you where going to tell him?' whispered lip 'its been weeks Mand!'

'I know, fuck, don't you think I know that...shit' Mandy hissed back, nervously biting her lip. 'I was going to..I...there was never the right time'.

'the right time?! Its fucking today mand! When was there ever going to be a right time! You hate secrecy, I don't know why you didn't just get it over with!'

'I know its fucking today! Shit! this is different ok, he's in a good place now and...'

'and what you think he wouldn't want to see my brother? You think this was all Ian's fault?!'

'no shithead! I meant hes in a good place now, I didnt want to bring more shit up!' Mandy hissed back. 'You never even liked Mickey! Why the fuck do you care?'

'Dont...look things have changed now, Mickey...look mickeys alright...in his way...yeah yeah dont look at me like that' seeing mandys raised eyebrow, 'you know what I mean, look i'm just saying hes not as much as a shit as I thought...you know what this years been like...look hes still an arsehole, im not disputing that' ...(mandy let out a laugh in agreement), but I know my brother mand, you know my brother, and when hes determined...'

'yeah I know...' Mandy whispered biting her lip again as she stared at mickeys door.

'ive had to listen these past months, hell the past 3 years about how Mickey is it for Ian, and I know Mickey doesnt like to show how he feels, or talk about anything, or show anyway that hes even human...(lip trailed off with a smirk as mandy hit him on the arm) 'look what im saying is hes always been different...with ian. So ive heard, hell ive even seen it sometimes whenever Ians mentioned. I just know as much as I pushed for Ian to move on he wont, and I tried for fucking years mand! But hes a determined son of a bitch, just like all us gallaghers (laughs), and hes who he wants, so im not going to stand in his way or try and make him see sense...christ I dont even believe that anymore, after this year maybe Mickeys good for him, they're good for eachother.' 

Mandy stared at him in shock before leaning into him with a sly smile on her face.  
'are you saying what I think you're saying? Is Phillip Gallagher, renowned know it all and smug bastard admitting he was wrong about one mickey milkovich?' 

Lip rolled his eyes and leant back against the worn out sofa, a small smile playing on his lips regardless of him trying not to.  
'yeah yeah dont get used to it' he said with a small laugh...he sighed and placed his hands on mandys hips bringing her forward so she sat on his knee.

'I just know I spent years fighting Ian on this, so when whatever shit went down he left. He didnt turn to me, he couldnt because I was such a fucking dick...I...I wont lose my brother again mand...not ever.'

Mandy put her hands around his kneck and pulled him forward so his head rested against her chest. His eyes closed as he inhaled her scent that for this past year had become like oxygen to him.

'I know' she whispered. 'and I dont want to lose mine...shit when did this become our problem?' she laughed quietly.

'Since those two felt the best way to deal with their problems is by avoiding their problems...' he shared a glance at mandy and they both burst out laughing, ssshhing eachother incase mickey came out.

'You know you just described every person in the south side right?'

'yeah I know' lip laughed against her before pulling her face down into a kiss. After a minute he pulled away. 'I guess there's just something about us gallaghers milkoviches can't resist' he said with a cocky smile on his face.

'you idiot' mandy laughed fondly before bringing her lips against his in another kiss. After another minute of making out Lip pulled away.

'you've got to tell him though' Lip said smiling slightly at her surly expression from breaking the kiss again. 'he's back today mands.'

Mandy sat back with a resigned smile. 'yeah I know...I mean god knows I want it as well, Ians my best friend and Mickeys my brother...'

'What you haven't warmed to whats his name?' he cut across her a playful smile on his lips.

Mandy rolled her eyes, 'shutup, dont even mention whats his name'

'I just dont get why you dont like him' Lip laughed teasingly.

Mandy smacked him on the arm and scoffed, 'Oh please hes just...just...'  
Lip laughed, watching her amusedly 'so nice'.

'I know! Right! God hes just so fucking happy and charming all the time and he doesnt ever shut the fuck up! All I want to do when I see him his punch him in the face!' she exclaimed, throwing her hands into the air.

'...you know it kind of sounds like you're describing...'

'dont!' mandy cut across him. 'he is nothing like Ian!'

'ok ok!' Lip laughed in surrender.  
'Hes nice, hes just not...'

'Ian' lip nodded in agreement.

'yeah' mandy nodded. 'we'll just have to let them talk and fight it out'

'yeah' lip nodded in agreement, dragging her forward again, 'and in the meantime we can get back to fighting it out ourselves'.

Mandy looked at him and smirked 'did you just make a sexual innuendo about our brothers?'

Lips eyes went wide and he groaned, burying his face into mandys kneck. 'oh god!..we need to get out of this drama...we need to get laid...like desperately...like right now!...

Mandy laughed and quickly pushed him down on his back as she straddled him. 'I think I can help you with that' she grinned grinding her hips onto his.

Lip groaned 'fuck mandy!', mandy laughed wickedly and moved her hands down to his crotch.

'fuck! Cant you shitheads do it in a room like normal people!'

Mandy and Lip broke apart startled by the interruption.

'Shit! Mickey!, how long have you been standing there?!' Mandy said jumping up quickly with wide eyes.

'long enough to know i'm fucking glad I didn't walk in any later!' Mickey shot back a look of disgust on his face.

'yeah...i mean did you hear?...' she trailed off whilst mickey raised his eyebrow expectantly.

'what? You and shitheads displays of love? No thank fucking not...seen enough of that shit to haunt me for a lifetime'.

'oh right! Ok!' Mandy said, a look of relief evident on her face.

Mickey stopped and gave his sister another look, his eyes narrowing suspiciously as he took in Lip looking anywhere at him and mandy biting her lip with her eyes darting around nervously. He'd been around his sister and douchebag to know they weren't modest about parading their relationship around, god knows he'd never sleep right again from what he'd witnessed.

'whats up with you?' mickey asked suspiciously.

'what?' mandy eyes going wide, 'nothing! What do you mean?' she asked rather too innocently for mickeys liking.

'What where you shitheads talking about?'  
'erm...nothing...god...just...' mandy stuttered

'mand we need to get going, we've got that...thing' Lip said quietly, still avoiding mickeys gaze.

'yes, shit we've got to go, I'll see you later ok? Mandy looked extremely grateful for a way out of this conversation.

Mickey gave them one last suspicious look before turning and walking into the kitched. 'Whatever skank' he shouted behind him.

Mandy and Lip quickly grabbed their coats and made their way to the door.  
'I thought you where going to tell him! That was your perfect opportunity right there!' Lip hissed at her.

'Yeah coz I saw you just bursting to tell him mr stare at the floor pretending hes not there!' mandy hissed back.

'Hes not my brother!'

'do you want to fucking get laid or not?!'

Lip laughed and quickly kissed her on the lips before pushing her out the door. The door slammed behind them leaving silence in the house as their laughter faded away. 

...

Mickey stood in the kitchen doorway an empty bowl in his hand, frozen in shock, his heart hammering in his chest, not daring to breathe.


	2. Welcome Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian's welcome home party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the first two chapters haven't been very mickey focused yet! I promise that's coming! :D

Ian sat in the living room laughing surrounded by his family. It was good to be back, even if he missed the army, he knew he'd get caught eventually and he hadn't exactly kept himself inconspicuous, he loved it when he was in ROTC but he guessed there was something about being southside that couldn't accept control, and besides even though he'd been away for a year and tried his hardest to forget he had always been a little too distracted with thoughts of home.

Fiona simultaneously handed him a beer and smacked him around the head.

'What the hell!' Ian started rubbing his now sore head.

'Don't you ever pull that shit again?! Do you hear me? Fucking leaving without telling anyone! Do you know how fucking...' Fiona breathed deeply to calm herself. 'tonight we're celebrating that we've got you back, but tomorrow we're talking about this...you're still on my shit list' she glared at him.

Ian looked to Lip who gave him an apologetic smile but hunched his shoulders silently saying what did you expect? You do deserve this shithead.

Ian smiled timidly at Fiona, 'I know, I'm sorry, I really am'. And he was, he'd missed his family so much and he knew what him leaving would have done to them, he was just so messed up at the time, but he had time now to make amends he thought, with more then one person.

Fiona leant forward and wrapped him in a tight hug. 'Tomorrow!...its good to have you back, she kissed him on the head and took her seat next to veronica.

'Now all the serious shit is out the way is this a fucking celebration or not?!' V cackled as she turned up the music.

Ian drank the rest of his beer as he surveyed his family. God he'd missed this, he couldn't stop the grin forming onto his face as he watched fiona grab debbie and twirl her around the living room. He caught Lips eye across the room who silently inclined his head towards the kitchen whilst showing him a joint. Ian nodded and followed his brother out of the room, smacking Carls hand away as it reached for kevs beer. He shut the door behind him and slid down the wall sitting next to his brother. Lip inhaled and passed to Ian. They sat like that for a couple of minutes just content to be in each others company again.

\-----------------------------------------

Mandy chewed on her fingers as she hovered by mickeys door. 'Breathe' she said to herself. 'Just take a deep breath and get it over with...fuck' why was she so nervous about this? Well she knew why. This year had changed her brother. She'd never seen her brother go through so much shit. She'd tried helping him as much as she could and get him to open up but this was Mickey. Hell this was a milkovich and she knew getting them to open up was harder then cracking into a bank vault. It had taken all her courage to trust lip again and to open up completely, hell she didn't even think she could do that, not even now. But every time Lip felt her withdrawing into herself he would always find a way to bring her back. She loved him for it. And she had tried to do that for Mickey. It was one of the hardest things she's ever done and she felt like giving up a number of times, Mickey was more then difficult, he was nearly impossible at times but one of the benefits of being his closest sibling was that she knew how to read him. Just like he knew how to read her. So she didn't always need words to know what was going on. She's seen him go through more this year then most people in a lifetime and she was proud. Proud at what her brother had done, proud of who he had become. And she knew he appreciated her. He didn't need words to show her that. Mickey had always talked more with his actions and expressions. And she knew he as grateful she was here. But he knew he wasn't healed. Knew although he pretended he was ok, pretended he had moved on. He couldn't hide how he really felt from her...like she said, she'd always known how to read him. He was missing something, something that was stopping him healing...missing someone, that didn't mean it was going to be easy. Whatever unresolved shit went down needed sorting. He needed to go through all the tough shit again to reach the good shit, with the one person she knew he needed more then anything, more then anyone. She just didn't want him to retreat back into himself, to fuck up all the progress he'd made this last year. That's why Mandy had delayed telling him for weeks. That's why she now stood in his doorway chewing her fingers until they bled wondering how the hell she was going to break this to him. 

'Bitch say what you're gonna say or get the fuck out of my doorway' mickey called over to her not looking up from the magazine he was reading. 

Mandy's eyes went wide and her cheeks flushed red before she composed herself clearing her throat. 'Micky...erm look...'

Mickey looked up and raised his eyebrow.  
Mandy chewed her lip nervously. 'Erm...I wanted to tell you...I...'

'I already know' mickey cut across her returning again to his magazine.

Mandy's stood still in shock not quite understanding. 'what?'

'I already know' mickey repeated, still not looking up from his magazine.

Mandy looked at him confused. 'You already know what?'

Mickey gave a heavy sigh and flipped his magazine closed. He glared at Mandy for a few seconds before huffing impatiently. 'That he's back'.

Mandy's eyes opened in shock. 'Wait! What?! How?' She said in disbelief.

'Please, like that shit with douchebag this morning wasn't obvious...or quiet' he said rolling his eyes. 

'Shit Micky, I'm sorry! I was going to tell you, I just...' Mandy said hastily.

'Please you think I give a fuck?'

'Mickey...' Mandy said quietly biting her lip a worried expression on her face.

'Stop looking at me like that, in fine' Mickey scowled. 

Mandy didn't say anything, just stared at her brother worry etched upon her face. 

Mickey rolled his eyes again. 'Jesus, will go get the fuck out of my room! I'm fine Mandy!' 

Mandy made a move to leave but stopped hovering once again in his doorframe, deciding whether to speak. Mickey looked up again watching his sister.

'Oh for fucks sake! Seriously?' Mickey exclaimed.

'What?!' Mandy equally exclaimed eyes widening innocently. 

'You don't need my permission bitch' 

Mandy bit her lip realising she'd been caught. 'I just wanted to make sure you where ok with...'

Mickey cut across her 'what did I just say?!'

Mandy stayed silent her hands fumbling with her dress. 

Mickey rolled his eyes again. 'Yes I don't care. Go. I know they'll be throwing some party shit for him'

'Are you sure mick?'

'Jesus yes!! How many times can I say I'm fine?' Mickey shouted frustratedly.

'Yeah I know, I just wanted to make sure you'...'

'Oh my god MANDY!! I swear if you ask me if I'm ok one more time I'll throw your skinny ass out this house my self!' Mickey seethed. 'Im fine now fuck off!'

'Ok..do you...I mean do you want to come?...' Mandy quickly shut the door narrowly missing the shoe that was thrown at her head. 

Mandy made her way to the front door, shutting it behind her she breathed in the cold air. She pulled out her phone to send a quick text to lip knowing she'd be there soon. Mickey needed to sort out the unresolved shit he and Ian had quickly. She loved her brother and she'd always be there for him but she knew after everything the only person Mickey needed to get through to him and finally be happy was Ian. That didn't mean she was going to go easy on him, she'd given Mickey enough shit about Ian and Ian would definitely get his turn. She knew she shouldn't get too much involved but she couldn't help it. Mandy Milkovitch loved fiercely and she'd protect the ones she loved to the end.  


\------------------------------------------

Ian and lip sat on the hard floor laughing. Ian had been telling lip some stories of what he got into in the army whilst lip filled him in with everything that he'd missed.  
'Shit!' Lip laughed clutching his side. 'A fucking helicopter?!'

Ian wiped his eyes and he tried to breathe. 

'Yeah it seemed like a good idea at the time' 

Lip burst our laughing again before rolling another joint. 'Why didn't you tell me when we talked on the phone man?' 

'Couldn't risk anyone overhearing and realising it was me' Ian laughed 

'Yeah but they found out anyway, I mean you got kicked out' lip stated a grin on his face.

'Oh yeah' Ian said, he paused and shared a glance at lip before they both broke down in laughter again.

'For what it's worth, i am sorry about your short lived army career, I know you wanted it man. But I'm really glad you or kicked out' lip grinned passing the lit joint to his brother.

Ian bumped his shoulder against lips and chuckled. 'Thanks...I was thinking about coming back for a while anyway' he admitted.

Lip glanced at him sideways. 'Oh really? Any particular reason?' 

Ian rolled his eyes but grinned. 'Shutup'.  
Lip looked at his brother innocently. 

'No really. Why? I mean it's not like I've heard about this before, not like I've heard about this nearly everyday since you've been gone' lip teased.

Ian punched him lightly in the shoulder before passing the joint back. 'Ha ha Shutup'.  
Ian went quiet as his thought of the very reason he had wanted to come back. Lip sensed his thoughts and watched his brother with a small frown on his face. Before he could say anything his phone went off distracting him. He read the text and sent off a quick reply. 

Ian noticed the small smile on his lips and felt a warm feeling spread through him at his brothers obvious happiness. 

'Mandy?'

'Yeah, she's on her way. Said she had some things to take care of first'. 

'Right' Ian nodded.

'Shes excited' Lip said turning to face his brother.

Ian smiled. 'Me too, I've missed her'.

'Yeah you're all she's gone on about since you left...not that you didn't speak to her practically everyday' 

Ian laughed and turned to his brother. 'You jealous she prefers talking to me?' He teased.

Lip rolled his eyes a smile forming 'nah Shutup' he hesitated before looking away from Ian. 'She missed yeh'

Ian sighed leant against the wall before looking at his brother. 'Yeah...I missed you too'

Lip looked at him from the corner of his eye before grinning. 'Fuckhead'

Ian grinned 'douchebag...I am sorry though man'

Lip looked at Ian and waited. 

'I didn't mean to just go, I didn't even plan it, I...I just couldn't stay, not after' he stopped speaking his mouth forming a hard line before staring ahead.

Lip surveyed him a worried frown appearing on his face. 'You wanna talk about it?'

Ian gave lip a small smile. 'Nah man it's fine....seriously' he said seeing Lips raised eyebrow.

Lip sighed 'right'

Ian looked at Lip closely and saw what was written clearly on his brothers face. 'I would tell you man I would but...'

Lip saw his hesitation 'really? I thought you knew you could tell me anything'

Ian heard the implication in his words. 'I know I hurt you leaving, I hurt everyone, I didn't turn to you I know, it's just...it's something I needed to deal with myself, I was messed up and I just couldn't...'

'When have I ever let you down?' Lip interrupted.

'Never, it wasn't about that Lip, you're my brother, you're my best friend man. I...I just...it's' ian sighed as he ran his hands through his hair.

'Complicated?' 

Ian have a tight smile. 'Yeah'

'When is anything not?' Lip smiled trying to ease his brothers tension.

Ian laughed quietly. 'Yeah' 

A few minutes passed as they sat in silence. Lip waited for his brother to ask the question he knew he'd been bursting to ask since he got back.

Ian gave in with a resolutely sigh. 'You seen him?'

Lip paused a moment before answering.  
'Yeah'

When? Where? He alright?' Ian asked In a rush, trying not to sound too desperate but his voice giving him away.

Lip turned to look at him. 'Around, seems ok' he said giving a nonchalant shrug.

Ian sighed frustrated, he'd expected that answer as much. 'Man are you and Mandy going to give me anything more then monosyllabic answers? That's all you've been giving me for the past year. Stop with the cryptic shit'. 

Lip frowned at his brother. 'Look ian I've told you this before man, whatever went down, whatever shit happened, you've made it clear that's between you and him, you don't want to tell me what happened that's fine, you don't want to tell Mandy what happened that's fine too, but I'm not going to act as an informant, giving you information on everything he's doing'.

Ian crossed his arms petulantly and scowled. 'Thats not what I wanted, I just wanted to know he's ok'.

Lip smiled at his brother not wanting to piss him off on his first night back. 'I know dude, and he's fine, from what I can tell, I mean it's mickey right? How can you even tell?' Lip laughed.

Ian gave a small smile despite how he was feeling. 'Yeah...it's not like you'd see much of him anyway'

Lip coughed and looked away awkwardly. '....yeah'.

Ian frowned at his brother, 'wha...?'

'IANNNN!!!'

Ian was cut off before he could question Lips evasive answer by Mandy's arrival. One look at her running up the steps had  
him forgetting what he was going to ask. 

'Mandy' Ian said smiling.

She jumped into his arms and threw her hands around his kneck. He picked her up and squeezed her tightly. 'I missed you' he whispered into her ear.

'You too shithead, wasn't the same with you gone' she whispered back. 

He had to screw his eyes up tight. Being surrounded by all his family, because yes Mandy was his family too, he realised just how much he'd missed them, and how much one person was still missing. 

'Ok ok' lip said laughing at them both. 'Enough of the sad shit, time for a drink!'

'Yes!' Mandy agreed beaming at being surrounded by two of the three people she loved the most again. 

They turned to make their way through the door when Mandy stopped.

'Wait, just one thing!'

The two brothers turned to her raising an eyebrow expectantly. Mandy turned to Ian and punched him hard on the arm. 

'What the hell mands' Ian exclaimed rubbing his arms. Why was everyone hitting him tonight? He went to open his mouth but stopped short at Mandy's glare.

'You know what that was for shithead! Leaving without telling me! Are you fucking kidding?!' 

Ian went to speak but thought better of it, he deserved it after all. He gave Mandy what he hoped was his best sorry face.

'The doe eyes?, seriously?' She said rolling her eyes. 'Fine' she sighed. You're forgiven...for leaving me'.  
She said giving ian a pointed stare before smiling again. 

Ian didn't miss her meaning. 'You are one scary woman Mandy milkovich'

'Oh you ain't seen nothing yet' she grinned wickedly at him.

Ian took a deep breath of what he was sure would not be the most pleasant conversation...she was a milkovich after all...and a good one at that.

Mandy sensed his distress and put a placating arm around his kneck. 'That shits for another time. Tonight is a celebration. I've got my best friend back and I'm going to fucking celebrate' she smiled giving him a swift kiss on the cheek.

Ian grinned and linked his fingers between hers. He guessed all his inevitable conversations could wait till morning, tonight he was going to enjoy himself for the first time in a year. 

'Ok now you too have stopped flirting can we please go in before all the booze is gone?' Lip whined.

Mandy and Ian both turned to grin at him.

'Lead the way brother' Ian laughed.


	3. Thoughts and Avoided Conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mickeys thoughts & The hangover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey sorry my chapter summaries are so shit! They will always be shit I'm afraid, i never like to give too much away. 
> 
> Also you guys I'm so sorry but there won't be any ian and mickey interaction until chapter 5! I will upload very quickly though, as I am as eager as I hope you all are :) I hope this chapter will pacify you and get you more excited for what's to come! I hope everything makes sense, if not I apologise, I have so many ideas, half the time they just fall onto the page! Anyway hope you enjoy :)

The door slammed behind them leaving silence in the house as their laughter faded away. 

Mickey stood in the doorway an empty bowl in his hand, frozen in shock, his heart hammering in his chest, not daring to breathe. He set the bowl down before he dropped it and gripped the edge of the table hard, he felt like he was going to collapse. His knuckles stood out white from how hard he was gripping the table and his hands began to shake.

'Move' he thought to himself. 'fucking get a grip and move before someone finds you here acting like a pussy'. He quickly barged into his room, slamming the door. He just made it to the bed before he collapsed dropping his head into his hands, he couldn't stop the shaking.

'he's back, he's back, he's back' he couldn't stop the endless mantra in his head. 'Ian, Ian Gallagher. Ian Gallagher back'. Why was he back? Had he come back for him?. He stopped that thought before it fully formed. 'dont be a fucking dick. He didn't come back for you. He left your ass remember? Hes done with you. You fucking pussied out and he's done'. Mickey let out a humourless laugh at how pathetic he was. Reduced to this shaking wreck and he hadn't even seen him yet. The one thing he couldn't deny being happy about was him finally being out that fucking army. He'd spent a year worrying, every time he heard Lip come over, heard Mandy speaking in hushed tones with him, every time the phone went. Hell he'd been on alert all fucking year. His pounding heart never getting a fucking break, and now it was hammering even faster, if that was possible. Mandy had said he'd only been in training, hadn't left basic yet, not that he'd asked to know but Mandy knew him, and he was grateful she would tell him without him having to ask. But you never know what fucking goes on there! Anything could of happened. But now he's back. He's safe. Thats all he cares about Mickey tells himself, he's spent a year trying to move on, never knowing if Gallagher would ever come back, but he has. But he would never let himself hope it would change anything, Mickeys not good for him, Ian can do better, hell he probably already has. Mickeys insides burned at the thought, but he quickly pushes it away with a deep breath. Even Ian knew Mickey could never give him what he wanted, what he needed, what he deserved, thats why he'd finally had enough, enough of Mickey's shit. And he wasn't fucking coming back after a year to start all that shit again, why would he? If Mickey understood anything, he understood that...but after this year though? Mickey had changed hadn't he? 'shut the fuck up!' he told himself.'Ian didnt come back for you, stop being so fucking pathetic, you're over it!'. He lit a cigarette and inhaled deeply, he didn't even one want, he just needed something to do, something to focus on. At first it had nearly killed him thinking about Ian, he would have done anything short of blowing his own brains out to get rid of the red head in his veins, it just hurt too fucking much. Not that he could stop himself from thinking about anything else anyway, but after a while, after all the shit he went through he forced himself to think about Ian a little bit every day. Every night just lay in the dark basking in memories of him. It would help Mandy had said. He'd told his sister to fuck off, what kind of pussy did she think he was, he didn't need to get over shit! She'd never brought it up again. But after a while he began to take her advice, and she was right, though he'd never tell her, it helped, just a little. But then every good memory would end with the last fucking memory of him walking out and leaving Mickey forever and his pain would be sliced open again. But he kept on, he kept doing it, it had become his own ritual, he thought the more he thought about Ian, the more he remembered, the less effect it would have on him, he would stop flinching everytime someone said his name (and fuck the Gallaghes never fucking shutup about him), he would stop jumping every time he saw fucking ginger hair, stop his heart from quickening and stop the pathetic fucking feeling of hope every time he did. He laughed bitterly to himself.'fucking pathetic, a fucking year of doing this shit for nothing,' he sighed to himself and put his burnt out cigarette in the ashtray. He could pretend. That's something he was always good at. Fuck it he had pretended to Mandy, to himself that he was over this, over him all year. He could fucking pretend again.

\------------------------------------------

'ok..do you...I mean do you want to come?...' Mandy quickly shut the door narrowly missing the shoe that was thrown at her head. 

Mickey listened for the sound of the door shutting before he slumped back onto his bed rubbing his hands over his face. 'fuckkk' he groaned to himself. He needed to get a fucking grip. The thought that Mandy was on her way to see Ian filled his stomach with...? what exactly? Nerves? Was he nervous? What the fuck for! He wasn't even going to the fucking party. But the fact he was literally a couple of streets away, barely 10 minutes, closer he'd been to him in a year. And he had to accept something, Ian wasn't back for him sure, they would never pick up where they left off. Ian was over him, he had moved on...Well perhaps he hadn't quite accepted that yet but what he did have to accept was the inevitability of seeing him. If Mandy was going over to see him, hell they were best friends, then at some point he would probably be in his house. And even if that never happened he was going to bump into him at the Gallaghers. Hell he spent more time there then his own fucking house. He needed a distraction. As if on cue his phone went off making him jump. Rolling his eyes at his own patheticness he quickly read the text. He sighed and chewed his lip in thought before sending a reply. Not tonight he thought, he could do with the distraction, but he couldn't leave Yev, not with Mandy out the house. And he couldn't come over here. Mickey had never brought him to his house, they mostly hung out at his. He couldn't bring him here...not when this where he and...No he quickly shut of that thought and stood up, lifting his arms to the ceiling as he stretched. He made his way to the crib at the other end of the room before peering inside. He smiled to himself as he watched his sleeping son. If anyone had told him a year ago he would have gotten a whore pregnant and more unbelievable then that he would actually care about the kid he would have fucking laughed. Not that he would admit to anyone he cared, regardless how many times Mandy or anyone else had pointed out the stupid smile on his face when dealing with his son...something that would hastily turn to a scowl. God when did he become such a pussy? He thought to himself. Oh well he'd deal with that shit another time. He yawned as he pulled the blanket higher over the sleeping infant. Yeah, this would be enough of a distraction tonight.

\-------------------------------------------

'Morning' Fiona called loudly as Ian slumped into a chair next to Mandy. She smiled brightly at them both before slamming two cups of coffee down.

'what the fuck?!' Mandy gumbled, lifting her head slightly as she squinted at Fiona.  
Ian covered his head with his hands before mubling something unintelligibly.

'What was that? Fiona called loudly across the kitchen.

Ian winced before answering. 'I said why the fuck are you being so loud?'

Fiona grinned wickedly at them before slamming two breakfast plates full of pancakes infront of them. 'Oh im just happy my baby brother is home for good'

'yeah you showed that last night, but could you...could you just keep it down?' Ian whispered taking deep breaths through his mouth, fighting a wave of impending nausea.

Fiona laughed loudly as the door burst open. V came flying in swooping down to pinch Ians cheek. He fought her off and leant his head against mandys lap.  
'Ohh the babys so cute when hes hungover' V laughed standing next to Fiona. 'Someone partied hard last night'. 

The girls laughed as Debbie and Carl came running down the stairs. Ian gingerly sat up and pushed his and Mandys plates towards them.

'Don't you want them? You love pancakes' Debbie asked as Carl said 'Nice' and started digging in hungirly. Ian just answered with a grimace, he'd probably be sick if he even looked at any more food and he was pretty sure Mandy had fallen asleep again.

'Oh and Lips puking upstairs' Debbie stated helping herself to orange juice. Carl looked up eagerly and went to jump out of his chair. 'Sit down!' Fiona stopped him with a glare. Carl rolled his eyes and carried on eating.

'And stop rolling your eyes, what did I say?'

'You know who he picked that up from right?' V asked raising her eyebrows at Fiona.

'Yep but I cant tell him to stop rolling his eyes, I'm not his mother' Fiona said with a slight smile.

'But you tell me to stop and you're not my mother' Carl said an innocent smile on his face.

Fiona narrowed her eyes at him 'Eat!' she ordered. She turned to Veronica and rolled her eyes. Veronica laughed and helped herself to coffee.

'Who you talking about?' Ian mumbled. He seriously felt he was going to be sick and tried speaking to put off the inevitable.

Fiona glanced up startled. she quickly glanced at veronica who shot her a look before moving towards the back door. 'gonna wake up Kev Fi, later?' she asked raising her eyebrows. Fi nodded silently before resuming making breakfast.

Ian turned his head and watched Veronica leave. Ok that was weird he thought to himself. He turned to Fiona with a frown on his face. 'Who where you talking about?'

Fiona carried on making breakfast avoiding his gaze. 'Hmm?' she asked.

Ian continued to stare at her with a frown on his face. 'then, when V said you know who he gets it from, who where you talking about?'

Mandy raised her head and glanced at Fiona, her face impassive. Fiona glanced at her before coughing. 'Erm...Ian look'.

She was saved answering by Lip trudging bleary eyed down the stairs. 'God I feel fucking vile! Think most of its up now though....(Debbie pulled a face whilst carl grinned), How you feeling bro' he asked Ian as he reached for coffee.

'Erm fine...who where you talking about?' Ian asked Fiona again.

Lip paused before the cup reached his mouth taking in Fiona who struggling to find the words to something, Ian who was staring at her a small frown on his face to Mandy who was now glaring at Lip. 

'Er...whats going on?'

Fiona looked at Lip. 'what? Nothing' she said with a false cheeriness to her voice. 'I was just saying Carl should stop rolling his eyes'. She gave a forced laugh and began clearing the table.

'No...V said he got it from him, who's him?' Ian said slowly.

'Lip can I speak to you upstairs please'. Mandy stook up from the table fixing Lip with her most steely glare.

'What? Erm...can it wait...i was going to help kev...' Lip trailed off timidly at Mandys now icy expression.

'yeah, ok' he said hastily as he ran upstairs, Mandy storming after him.

Ian looked around the kitchen. Why was everyone acting so fucking weird? He watched Fiona as she hurriedly exited the room mumbling something about changing Liam.

Ian turned to Debbie who was now packing her bag for school. 'Is steve back or something?' he asked, though he'd never remembered steve rolling his eyes much.

Debbie gave him a small smile. 'No he's long gone now, probably under another false name'

'yeah' Ian agreed 'who where they talking about then?' Debbie went to speak but Carl cut across her.

'Mickey' he said simply as he moved onto Lips pancakes.

Ian frowned 'Mickey?...Mickey who?' he asked confused.

Carl looked at him like he was stupid. 'Mickey Milkovich, yanno, Mandys brother'

Ian stared at Carl not really seeing him. His heart began to hammer In his chest.  
'how do you know Mickey Milkovich?' he asked slowly.

Carl rolled his eyes at him whilst speaking. 'He's here practically every day, wasn't he your friend or something?'

Ian opened his mouth but he couldn't seem to form any words. 'er...yeah...wait...what?' Ians head had begun to spin, by something he sure wasn't his hangover. 'mickeys been here?' he asked confusedly.

'Debbie, Carl School!' Fiona commanded as she came downstairs carrying Liam. Debbie who had been watching Ian with a worried expression on her face gave him a swift kiss on the cheek before she walked out dragging Carl with her. 

Ian turned to Fiona. 'Why has Mickey been here?' he asked, he could hardly hear his own voice his heart was beating so loud.

Fiona grabbed her bag and threw it over her shoulder whilst juggling Liam with her other arm. She turned to face him. 'I think its best you talk to Lip' she said before giving him a tight smile. She passed him and gave him a small squeeze on the shoulder before leaving out the door.

\------------------------------------------

Lip entered the room he and Mandy shared when he was home from college and turned to face her as she shut the door. She stood silently staring at him, he could practically feel the anger radiating off her.

'What.The.Fuck' she hissed at him.

Lip actually took a step back. He loved this girl but man was she scary sometimes. He rubbed the back of his head sheepishly before giving her a timid smile.

She jabbed her finger hard in his chest whilst stepping towards him.  
'don't tell him Mandy, the news will be better coming from me. I promise I'll tell him Mandy, I'll tell him before he gets back Mandy. It'll be fine Mandy'. She hissed quietly at him.

'Jesus ok! I know, I tried fucking telling him! But its not that fucking easy mand! What was I supposed to say?!' Lip whispered back defensively.

'the truth! Just the fucking truth, it would be better if he'd known ages ago, so he could have got used to the idea!' she seethed.

'oh yeah, the same way you did with mickey?' Lip shot back. He immediately regretted it when Mandy's eyes narrowed dangerously.

'Dont you fucking use that, You know what Mickeys been through this year'

'yeah I know, but what about what Ians been through? Do you know how many calls I got from him crying?, he was broken mand!' Lip pleaded.

'Yeah, and so was Mickey' Mandy shouted. She took a deep breath to calm herself down before resuming whispering. 'look maybe I made a mistake not telling Mickey sooner, but so did you! You should have told him Lip'.

Lip sighed and sank onto the bed. 'I know but how do you say something like that? Hey Ian by the way I know you've been trying to get over Mickey but just so you know when you come home hes kind of part of the family, yeah he practically lives here so you better get used to seeing him around...how the fuck can I say that?' Lip exclaimed.

The corner of mandys mouth quirked despite herself, as she sat next to Lip on the bed. 'Well obviously not like that shithead...delicately'

'Delicately?' Lip gave her a disbelieving look 'this is the southside, what does that even mean?'.

Mandy gave a small chuckle before she sighed deeply. 'ok but he shoud have been told, he's going to be seeing a lot of Mickey around from now on, they practically share the same bed now'.

Lip frowned 'oh yeah I dont know how thats gonna work, but im guessing mickeys not gonna be staying over quite as much now'.

'yeah I guess not' Mandy murmered quietly. 'But you said yourself that Ian came back for Mickey, he's wanted him back for months now!'

Lip gave her a look before raising his eyebrow.

'ohhh' Mandy said nodding her head.

'yep' lip confirmed, Which is also why I couldnt tell him. I mean mickey being here is one thing, but how the fuck was I supposed to tell him that?'.

Mandy bit he lip as she frowned. 'Yeah but we all know that's not serious'.

Lip looked at her increduously, 'All the same, how would you feel?'.

Mandy held his gaze for a moment before hastily standing. 'You're right. But you've still got to tell him'.

Lip gave a resolutely sigh before standing. 'Yeah I know. Lets get this shit over with'.

Mandy gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, she didnt say anything just gave him an encouraging smile. He left the room slowly and made his way wearily down the stairs. His brother had been through so much this past year, he had had to listen idly on the phone, hating his brother for not being here, hating himself for not being able to go to him. He'd listened patiently when Ian had told him he was through with Mickey. That he needed space to get over him and sort his head out. And then everything happened with Mickey here and Lip didn't know how to tell Ian that. He'd want to know, but he was trying to get over him. But then months went by and when ian had calmed down at whatever had made him leave he said he wanted to come back, wanted mickey back...but at the same time mickey'd.....well how was he supposed to tell him that? He couldn't risk his brother changing his plans to come home. He wouldn't lose him again. He sighed before he entered the kitchen. He just hoped this wouldn't drive Ian away. He couldn't go through that again. Not ever.


	4. A Grim Tale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lip, Mandy and Ian talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this doesn't spoil the chapter for anyone....  
>  so 1: again im sorry no ian and M ickey interaction until chapter 5! one chapter to go though guys!  
>  2: Svetlana and mickeys coming out story will be revealed in upcoming chapters.  
>  3: I know nothing about anatomy or how long bones take to heal but just go with it, im sure alot of people are reading thinking huh? hows that possible...yeah its probably not...just got with it. :)
> 
> I do have these chapters outlined in my head but im basically making this up as i go along. SO many different ideas coming to me as i write, so i must apologise and say please be patient, this is my first ever fic. I'm sure alot of things dont add up...just go with it for now! :) and there will be alot of mistakes. please leave comments to tell me you loved it, liked it, hated it, give me suggestions etc, or any questions you want to ask.
> 
> hope you enjoy....oh and prepare this chapter is a bit heavy...

Lip entered the kitchen stopping short at the look on Ian's face.

'What the fuck lip?' Ian whispered.

Lip took a deep breath. 'Ian we need to talk'

'You fucking think?' Ian shouted his eyebrows raised, 'when the fuck where you going to tell me?'

Lip hesitantly took a step forward. 'How much do you know?'

Ian gave a short hysterical laugh 'earn that mickeys been here, no actually practically fucking lives here, and my family have been fucking lying to me!'.

Lip have a deep sigh as he made his way to the table and sat next to Ian.

'How the fuck could I tell you that?, where the fuck did I begin? Lip asked desperately.

Ian looked incredulous. 'Are you fucking kidding me?! You knew I wanted him back lip! How could you keep something this big from me?!'

'Well I didn't want to push you away again, you might have never come home' lip said quietly hoping to pacify his brother. Apparently it was the wrong thing to say as Ian suddenly stood up his face contorting in anger.

'And you think by fucking lying to me would keep me here?! How would that have gone? When the fuck where you going to tell me? When mickey walked through the fucking door all casually? Where you going to give me a fucking heads up then?' Ian bellowed.

'Ian calm the fuck down!' Lip shouted back.

'Fucking calm down!!!' Ian shouted his face turning a dangerous shade of red. Lip needed to calm things before things seriously escalated. If they where going to do this they where going to do this now, not fucking fight and ignore each other, he's been through that before with ian. He wasn't going to let this create a barrier with his brother. Not when he'd just got him back.

'Ian will you fucking let me explain or not?' Lip snapped.

Ian stopped short breathing deeply, unwavering as he glared at lip.

Lip pulled out a chair as he lit a cigarette. 'Can you sit down? You look like you're going to hit me or something!'

Ian didn't say anything just silently glared at lip as he plonked himself in the seat folding his arms.

Lip scratched his head absently as he thought. Where the fuck does he start?

Ian huffed impatiently. 'If you're going to fucking tell me then fucking tell...'

Lip hastily cut across him 'alright alright. Shit'. He looked at Ian and took a deep breath.

'Ok. Look I don't know everything alright? I only know what happened here and some bits Mandy told me' Lip explained slowly, he glanced up at Ian who remained impassive. Lip took a deep breath and continued. 

'Look Mickey turned up here fucking waisted and high on only fuck knows...'

'Mickey doesn't do drugs...well apart from weed but never...' Ian interrupted. Lip fixed with a silent stare. Ian hastily shut up and nodded for Lip to continue. 

'Like I was saying Mickey turned up drunk as hell and completely off his head...he might not take drugs, but he had that fucking night. Me and Fiona could hardly get him in the house. Banging on the fucking door at 3am fucking shouting the house down' Lip inhaled in cigarette sharply before exhaling on a shaky breath. Ian frowned. Lip never got this way, he was the strong one, he started feeling sick that had nothing to do with his hangover. Why was Lip speaking so solemnly about Mickey Milkovich? A person as far as Ian knew Lip hated.

'fucking shouting the house down, well if you could call it shouting. Could hardly tell what he was saying...but we managed to make out a few words' Lip glanced sideways at his brother. 'He just kept repeating Ian'. Ians heart began to pound painfully in his chest. Mickey had turned up at his house? Looking for Ian? Been calling for Ian?. Lip put out his now burnt out cigarette in the ashtray before running a shaking hand over his face. 

'So what then? You got him in the house and then what? Did he stay over? Did he say anything else?' Ian asked quickly, Lip wasn't explaining fast enough, he needed to know everything now, before his heart burst out of his chest. Lip held his hand up silencing Ian. He gave a deep breath before looking at him with a dark expression. 'You should have seen him Ian.' Lip whispered. 'Fuck I've never seen anyone... anyone like that'. 

Ians head began to swim, he felt like his heart was now in his throat. 'What Lip? Fucking tell me!'

Lip sighed deeply. 'Me and Fiona came down the stairs after shoving Debbie and Carl back into their rooms. I only managed to get the door open when he collapsed.' Lip didn't want to continue but he had to. He didn't want his brother to know the state Mickey was in, but he had to tell him, he wanted to know, needed to know. 'He...'Lip hesitated before taking a deep breath. 'There was so much fucking blood. If he hadn't been calling for you I don't think I'd have even known who he was. His face was barely recognisable it was so swollen, so covered in blood. His clothes where soaked and he couldn't even move one of his arms'. 'Lip glanced at Ian to see if he should continue. Ians face had turned impossibly pale and he had beads of sweat forming on his forehead. Nevertheless he didn't say anything and nodded at Lip to continue. 'We didn't know what to fucking do! He was just lying there hardly moving, just moaning your name over and over, Fiona quickly ran over to V's, He had passed out before she got back. I just called the ambulance, I didn't know what else to do. There was fucking blood everywhere, I didn't even know how to stop it, he was that covered in it I couldnt even see where it was coming from. We couldn't do anything, V just spoke to him trying to get him to wake, trying to get him to hold on before the ambulance arrived. I quickly called Mandy. She was hysterical, she'd been looking for Mickey all night, she'd even come here first but saw that everyone was asleep and figured Mickey couldn't be here. Kev and V stayed with the kids whilst me, Fiona and Mandy went to the hospital. They rushed him straight to surgery'. Lip lit a cigarette before continuing. 

He hated reliving this. Even at the time, the time when Lip hated Mickey, hated him for being the reason his brother left, none of that mattered in that moment. Lip head never felt so disgusted and scared in all his life. He had felt helpless, when book smarts, quick wit and charm didn't fucking help for shit. He'd only felt like that one other time in his life. When Ian had left, and now with Mickey. He hated it and he never wanted to feel like that ever again.  
'He had a fractured skull, broken collar bone, four broken ribs, a fractured arm, and...' he closed his eyes continuing, trying to fight the nauseated image from his mind. 'every finger had been broken on each hand. He also had multiple cuts on his body, hence all the blood, those hadn't been physically inflicted though, the doctors think it was when he had fallen and where...' Lip gulped' where the bat had broken against him and then when repeatedly used the broken pieces had caused the bleeding. They haven't a fucking clue how he got here. I know its not far but the doctors said he shouldn't have even been able to stand. That he should have...' Lip stopped before he said it. Died...he didn't need to say it, Ian didn't need to hear it. He knew. 'and then in the hospital. There where complications...obviously, from those kind of injuries...you can't expect...' Lip paused and cleared his throat. 'anyway he was in a coma for 3 weeks before he managed to wake. Was in the hospital for another month before they released him...only that early because he wouldn't shut up about them letting him out because he wouldn't stay banged up like a fucking invalid.' Lip gave a brief smile at the memory of Mickey giving the doctors and nurses hell. 'he's fucking lucky', he didn't need to say it, it was obvious but he said it anyway. He shook his head deep I thought. 'He fucking pulled through man, after that, he shouldn't have, but he did'. Lip took a deep drag of his cigarette before looking at Ian. His eyes went wide at the look on his face, his cigarette nearly falling from his mouth. 

Ian skin was almost green, there was no way else of describing it, he was swaying slightly with beads of sweat running down his face. Lip leaned forward placing his hand gently on Ians arm. 'Ian' he said soothingly, trying to mask the alarm in his voice. 'Ian, man, he's alright now. He's fine'.

Ian couldn't breathe, he felt like his whole body was going to implode. His heart was hammering in his chest and his skin prickled with heat. He could see Lip reach over and touch his arm and say...what exactly? He was talking to him, but he couldn't hear him, couldn't feel his hand on him. His breathing started to escalate, his chest rising and falling rapidly. He could see Lips alarm as his cigarette fell onto the floor. He shouted something but he couldn't hear him. His chest felt like it was going to break. He was drowning, there was roaring in his ears, he couldn't breathe. He slid to the floor as he tried to gasp for breath. He saw Mandy come into view and grab him roughly by the arms talking to him. He couldn't respond. He saw Lip say something to Mandy as she turned and shouted back. She grabbed hold of him tighter as she tried to calm him. Lip came back and shoved a paper back at Mandy, who in turn put it around Ians mouth. He reached up and grabbed the bag gasping for air. Mandy held tightly on to his arm nodding encouragingly at him whilst speaking words of comfort. But he couldn't hear. He couldn't calm himself down. He couldn't breathe. He felt a pinch on his arm as mandy's nails dug deep into his skin. The little bit of pain broke through to him, he looked at Mandy and felt himself take in a deep breath of air. He saw Mandy smile and nodding again speaking her words of comfort. But he still couldn't hear her. Could'nt listen. All he could focus on where her eyes. Blue. Blue eyes and pale skin, Blue eyes, pale skin and dark hair. His vision was blurred with continuous tears as they ran down his face, but he could make out the colours. Make out the girl who looked so much like her brother she could be his twin. So much like her brother his heart rate began to slow down, his breathing began to steady. He continued taking deep breaths as Mandys voice cut through. 'Thats right Ian, deep breaths, just breathe, hes ok Ian, He's ok. And you need to be ok, you need to be ok for Mickey Ian. Deep breaths. Thats it Ian, Thats it. Deep breaths'. He removed the bag from his mouth as his breathing began to even out. His heart was still pounding against his chest and his head spinning, but he could breathe again. 'Thats it Ian' Mandy soothed him pushing his hair out of his eyes and wiping his sweaty forehead. He looked into her eyes and burst out crying. She held him tightly against her chest, her arms around him, whispering soothing words as he sobbed. Cried for everything that had happened before he left, he cried for leaving, he cried for thinking he could move on, cried for his brother not telling him, cried for giving him a reason for not telling him, cried for everything that had been wrong in his life this past year but most of all he cried for him. Cried for Mickey, for everything he went through, everything he endured with Ian gone, everything he went through alone. For leaving the one person he loved more then anything in this world. The one person he had left, the one person he had nearly lost. 

…

Ian took deep shaky breaths as he leant against mandys chest. She continued stroking his hair, talking to him softly. He felt utterly drained. Never in his life had he felt like this. He sat up gingerly, wiping his face with his sleeve.

'Ian' Lip choked out quietly. 

Ian raised his head and looked at Lip. His eyes where red from where he'd obviously been crying. Watching his brothers pain. 

'Ian, I'm so sorry, I'm so fucking sorry, I should have told you' Lip choked out. 

Ian cleared his throat before speak, thing, it felt hoarse after what he'd just gone through. 'No lip its ok, I know you where trying to protect me...that still doesn't make it right. Something like that...' Ian took a deep breath. 'Something like that, you should have told me'. Lip nodded quickly. 'I know, i'm sorry'. 

Ian shook his head sadly. 'Its ok, it doesn't matter now'. He stood up and sat at the table. He looked up at Lip and Mandy who where watching him worried expressions on their faces. 

'Ian do you want to lie down? You'll be drained. We can finish this later' Mandy said softly. 

Ian shook his head. 'No, I need to hear this now Mand. All of it'. Mandy nodded and walked round the table to sit next to Ian, Lip took the seat opposite her and lit a cigarette. Passing the pack round, Ian took one and lit up. He inhaled deeply. He had quit smoking before the army, but never in his life had he been more grateful to have smoke in his lungs. The welcome nicotine rush being instant, from such an absence from it, calming his frazzled nerves. He looked up to see Lip watching him. Catching his eye Lip took a deep breath and continued.

'After that, when he was out the hospital he came to stay with us. Fi insisted. He wouldn't go back home, not with everything that had happened there...'

'Wait' Ian interrupted. 'Why...' he took a deep breath to steady himself. 'why did it happen?'. Lip glanced at Mandy. Ian caught this and looked at Mandy. 'Terry?, your dad did this?'. Mandy glanced at Ian a pained expression on her face and tears in her eyes. She nodded once. Ian was filled with a blind hot rage. The man who plagued every waking minute of Mickeys life, Plagued everyone of his nightmares, he had tried to murder his son. 'But why?' he stuttered. He knew Terry was cruel, fucking evil infact, and he knew he was more then used to laying his hands on his children. But never had he tried to kill one of them before. Lip glanced at Mandy again biting his lip anxiously. Mandy turned to Ian a sad smile on her face. She leant forward and placed a hand on Ians arm. 

'He came out Ian' she whispered. 

Ian sat frozen as he took in Mandys words. He stood up abruptly and turned away from the table. Ignoring Lip and Mandys concerned words he wrenched open the toilet door quickly and threw up. Once the heaving had stopped he wiped his mouth shakily before standing. His mind was racing. This was too much to process right now. He couldn't get his head around it. He quickly walked to the basin and gargled some water rinsing his mouth out before rejoining the table. He nodded at Lip and Mandy to continue. He would process this information later. He couldn't think right now. He just need to get through this, listen to everything now otherwise he wouldn't make it through. 

Lip sighed heavily and lit another cigarette. He would have finished the packet by the time he'd finished. He inhaled and continued. 

'Anyway like I said he couldn't go back. Not after that, and who could blame him? He stayed with us whilst he healed. It wasn't easy' Lip gave a shaky laugh, 'but it got better. After the...' he glanced at Mandy who nodded quickly before turning to Ian. 

'Iggy and Colin where able to pull Terry off of Mickey. They where...' Mandy faulted whilst she angrily brushed tears out her eyes. Lip leaned over an grasped her hand. She gave him a brief smile before continuing. 'They where just in time, one more blow...one more blow and it might have been too late' she whispered this last part, rather to herself then the two boys, but they heard her and both squeezed her hands. She looked up and smiled sadly at them. She took a deep breath. 'But hes fine, he's ok now' she smiled more genuinely. ' Iggy and Colin reported him. Called the police straight away. No one ever calls the police, not on the Southside'. She gave a bitter laugh, 'Especially not on your own family, not if you're a Milkovich....but he'd gone too far. Nearly killing...nearly killing Mickey, shit that evil doesn't make you family anymore'. She sniffed and gave a watery smile. Ian could see the pride she had in her brothers for finally stepping up to her father, for defending Mickey. 'They took him in custody...not before Colin and Iggy beat the shit out of him' she smirked. 'He'd broken parole, so no bail was set of course. Colin, Iggy and Mickey all testified in court. He got life'. Saying this Mandy practically grinned with glee. 'Then karma intervened, word got around inside that Terry Milkovich was back in, he has a lot of enemies, as you can imagine, got himself shanked 2 weeks on the inside. Died alone in his cell like the fucking coward he is'. Mandy once again wiped away the tears that had fallen and gave Ian a watery smile. 

Ian was numb, he could hardly move. Terry was dead? Mickey testified in court? It seemed like he'd been gone a decade not a year. He couldn't help the feeling of guilt enveloping his chest. Mandy saw this on his face and fixed him with a glare. 'No Ian. This is not your fault, you couldn't have prevented this in anyway. This had nothing to do with you Ian. This was our family. Our fucked up family, not you'. 

Instead of easing his guilt, Mandys words just made it worse. It wasn't just everything that had happened Ian felt guilty for, it was for not being there when it did. Mcikey nearly dying, Mickey going to court, Terry dying? Ian should have been there for all of it, and he wasn't, instead he had left for the army like a fucking spoilt child, spitting out his dummy for not getting his way. He felt sickened with himself, his head was spinning. But there where so many things he still needed to know. Still needed to understand. 

'How did it happen though?, why did Mickey come out? Where you there?' Ian questioned Mandy. 

Mandy gave Ian a small smile and squeezed his arm. 'I'm sorry Ian, but theres some things that are for Mickey to tell...' she hesitated 'I was there, but that's all I'll say. If Mickey wants people to know, he'll tell them, and in his own time, I won't say anything more'. She gave Ians arm another squeeze and an apologetic smile. Ian returned the smile and nodded. Never had he believed more that Mandy had nothing to apologise for. Of course he wanted to know what happened. Only to understand, But he would never push for it. He would never expect Mickey to tell him. Mickey had been through enough without having to live through the memory again. 'And now?' Ian asked turning to Mandy again. It was Lip who answered. 

'Well like I said, during his recovery he stayed with us, him and Mandy, well we all know Mandy lives here' Lip smirked glancing at his girlfriend. Mandy gave a quick laugh and rolled her eyes, alleviating the tension slightly that had been in the room since Lip came down. 'and during the trial, he continued to stay. Once the trial was over Mickey started dividing his time between the Milkovich house and here really, and its a routine thats kind of stuck ever since I guess' Lip said shrugging. 

'and everyones ok with that?' Ian asked hesitantly glancing at Mandy, who didnt seem to take offence. He didn't mean he didnt want him here. If there could be one silver lining, one bit of light to come out of all this darkness it was Mickey becoming somewhat familiar in the Gallagher household. Even becoming family to his other siblings. But he hadn't been here this year. The last time he'd been home, Lip had hated anything to do with Mickey, couldn't stand the fact Ian was in love with him. And far as he knew Fiona couldn't stand even one M ilkovich in the house let alone two. 

Lip shrugged 'You get used to anything I guess, and like I said its been a year man, a lot has changed'. He shared a quick glance with Mandy before looking away. Ian caught this and couldn't help think there was much more to what had happened then they were telling him. But Ian's head was practically spinning from an overload of information, he didn’t he could handle anything else right now. He needed to get his head around everything. He needed to think. He needed to be alone. No...He needed to see Mickey. 

Ian stood up quickly. 'I want to see him'. 

Mandy quickly stood up a look of slight panic on her face. 'What? Ian know, You just had a panic attack, its a lot to take in, you should rest'.

Ian shook his head. 'No I want to see him, I want to talk to him now'. 

Mandy glanced at Lip in panic. Lip moved forward closer to Ian. 

'Ian not today, Mickey will be round soon most likely anyway, just give it a bit of time for you to think this through man' Lip said whilst Mandy nodded in agreement. 

'Whats there to think through Lip? Its a lot, but I cant think it through properly without talking to Mickey first. I need him Lip. Where is he?' He directed this question at Mandy, who bit her lip nervously. 

'Ian theres still some things you need to know, some things that Mickey will go through with you when hes ready and some things you need to be tol...'

Ian cut her off before she could finish. 'Yes I know Mandy, I wont push him, he can tell me in his own time, where is he?' he asked again putting his coat on. 

Lip glanced at Mandy a questioning look on his face. Mandy gave a deep resolutely sigh and shrugged her shoulders, silently saying...fine... Lip turned to look at Ian.

'Ian theres something else you should know' Lip said hesitantly. 

Ian narrowed his eyes as he took in Mandy with her crossed arms staring at the floor to Lip wearing the kind of expression you would wear when placating a child. 

'ok....Lip just say it' Ian said slowly.  
'Its just its been a year Ian, As you know so much has happened, its been a year Ian' Lip said cautiously. 

Ian was starting to get impatient. 'Yes you keep saying, what the fuck is it Lip?' 

Lip rubbed the back of his kneck whilst biting his lip. 'Ian...Mickey sort of...sort of has...'

'What Lip?!' Ian shouted exasperated. 

Mandy gave a deep sigh and fixed Ian with a heavy look. 

'Ian, Mickey has a boyfriend'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh also i just wanted to add it might not make sense at first where Lip said mickey was on drugs and hevaily drinking but he coudlnt be understood because he was so beaten up you might be thinking ok which is it? haha   
> anyway everything will be explained in the coming out story! :)


	5. A Chance Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reunion...sort of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are literally going to hate me for leaving it where I have! I hate me! I feel your pain and because of it I am posting the next chapter tomorrow so don't worry! I just got a bit carried away and this became longer then I thought. And I think we all need an entire chapter for Ian and mickeys reunions. I promise I'll try and make it worth the wait! Also chapter 7 and 8 get excited for! They are going to be two of my favourite to write...a lot of angst and sexual tension ;p To make up for ending this one so abruptly. The next three chapter titles (which also mean these are going to be uploaded pretty quick!) 
> 
> Chapter 6: A Conversation of Sorts  
> Chapter 7: The Birthday Party: Part One  
> Chapter 8: The Birthday Party: Part Two.

Mandy gave a deep sigh and fixed Ian with a heavy look.

'Ian, Mickey has a boyfriend'.

A few seconds passed as Ian stared at Mandy not registering what she'd said. 'sorry...what?'

Mandy glanced at Lip. 'erm...Mickey has a boyfriend Ian'

'A boyfriend?...' Ian echoed slowly, not really seeing Mandy or Lip.

Lip looked at Mandy, an expression of panic on his face. He moved closer to Ian and put an arm on his shoulder, he didn't want his brother to freak out and have another panic attack. 'Ian' Lip said slowly 'you alright?'.

Ian turned to look at Lip slowly, a confused look on his face. 'Yeah...yeah im fine' he looked away from Lip staring into the distance. Mickey didn't do boyfriends and here was Mandy and Lip telling him that now he apparently did. 'Boyfriend' he repeated the word slowly before bursting out into laughter. Mandy and lip looked at each other seriously alarmed. This just made Ian laugh even harder. They where joking. This was funny. He knew Mickey. Mickey didn't do boyfriends. Their looks of increasing alarm just made him laugh harder. Could they not see how funny everything was? 

'Ian' Mandy said taking a cautious step towards him. 'Ian calm down, it's ok' 

Ian burst into another round of laughter. 'I know mands! It's just funny yano? Mickey doesn't do boyfriends. But now he does. You know what I mean?' He looked between lip and Mandy who just kept on looking at each other with startled expressions. They couldn't see how funny it all was. 'I mean I left because Mickey doesn't do boyfriends. And now I'm back. But he does do boyfriends now. And now he has a boyfriend...you see?' He gasped through his laughter. 

Lip looked at Mandy at a loss to do before she walked up to Ian slapping him hard across the face. 

'Mands!!' Lip exclaimed jumping a step forward. 

Mandy gave Ian an apologetic smile 'I'm sorry, I heard it helps when someone gets a bit hysterical'. 

Ian sobered up almost instantly. 'Yeah...no no it's fine...thanks' he coughed starting to get embarrassed. 'I...I don't really know what came over me then'.

Mandy gave him a sad smile 'it's ok. It's a lot to take in' 

Ian gave her a forced smile. 'Yeah...yeah it is...I...I erm...' He stood at a loss of what to do or say. What could he say? The reason he had come back had moved on. He looked up at Mandy and lip who where watching him concerned. 'I...I don't know what to do' he admitted quietly.

Mandy's face crumpled. She launched forward bringing him into a tight hug. 'It'll be ok' she whispered. 'We'll figure something out Ian, it'll be ok'. 

He pulled himself away from her embrace. He appreciated her concern but this was his problem. He looked at lip. 'So boyfriend' 

Lip gave his brother a tight smile. 'Yeah man...I'm sorry' 

Ian shrugged it off. 'Nah it's ok...understand why you didn't tell me now' he let out a humourless laugh. 'Alot can happen in a year' he gave lip a forced smile. 

'Yeah I guess. Listen man, Mickey didn't know you where coming back, none of us did. I mean...shit' lip said awkwardly. 

Ian gave a small genuine smile. Even though the situation was shitty he couldn't help smiling at Lip trying to defend and explain Mickeys actions. All he ever wanted was Lip to accept Mickey. And fuck if he couldn't be happy at anything else, at least he could be happy about that. 

Mandy took a step toward Ian. 'Yeah he didn't know Ian, none of us did. Mickey didn't even know you where coming back until yesterday'

'What?' Ian asked sharply. He looked at them both. 'You didn't tell him?' He took in their guilty expressions as confirmation. 'Well shit. You've both kept a lot from us' 

'Ian' lip started. 

Ian quickly shook his head. 'Nah man it's ok. You had your reasons. It's fine' he took in Mandy's tear filled eyes and pleading expression to lips increasingly worried and guilty one. He couldn't blame them. He couldn't take whatever he was feeling out on them. He couldn't lose anyone else. He coughed awkwardly. 'Listen I'm going to go lie down. Think that panic attack took it out of me' he lied. 

Lip and Mandy could easily see the lie and exchanged worried expressions. 

'Guys seriously I'm fine. It's just...it's a lot to take in. Think I need to think'. He explained quickly. He needed to get away. He knew they where only worried about him. Hating the fact they where the ones to break the news, but he needed to think, and he couldn't do that surrounded by so much concern. He couldn't breathe. He turned away and slowly climbed the stairs. Mandy's voice stopped him. 

'Ian look Mickey loves you. You know he does. His boyfriend...it's not...it's not even serious...I'm sure...I-'  
Ian cut across her quickly, not wanting to hear anymore. 

'Its ok Mands, seriously, you don't have to say those things...it's shitty but like you guys said...it's been a year, a lot can happen in a year'. He said giving her his best forced smile.

'No I'm not just saying those things...Ian-' she pleaded with him. She knew she shouldn't say anything, they where for Mickey to say not her. He'd kill her if he knew what she'd said. It's not like he'd said any of this to her. Well not directly. But she knew her brother. She knew it was true. And she hated seeing her brother and her best friend hurting so much. She needed Ian to understand. 

Lip put his hand on her arm as he shook his head at her. He looked at Ian and have him a tight smile. Ian smiled back silently thanking him. Ian knew she meant well but he needed to think. Needed time alone. He was thankful his brother was here. Thankful both of them where. He quickly ascended the stairs and shut his door. He didn't even make it to his bed before he collapsed. He slid down, his back against the door, head in his hands. How could everything be such a mess?, how could he be so stupid? He'd come back hoping to get Mickey back. To step back into his old life again. But this time with the hopes of progression. To finally try to get Mickey to truly open up to him, he had always wanted them to be a proper couple. But Mickey had never wanted that. So Ian had left. He had left and tried and tried to get Mickey out of his mind. To try and move on. But try as he might he couldn't. He was madly in love with Mickey. He was his soulmate and he was willing to just leave the past behind him, to forget about his hopes of having a normal relationship with a man because he just couldn't. He couldn't move on. Mickey was everything to him, and over the last year Ian had realised he'd be enough. All he wanted was Mickey. To live, breathe him everyday. However Mickey wanted it. He laughed bitterly to himself. No he'd given up hope of getting Mickey to call him his boyfriend. Mickey didn't do boyfriends. He gave a strangled sob as the tears began to fall. No Mickey didn't do boyfriends. At least not with him. 

.....

Ian woke up heavily the next morning, he'd spent most of the previous day hiding out in his room. Lip had tried talking to him a couple of times but had given up , squeezing him on the shoulder before leaving him to his thoughts. Ian had never been so emotionally drained in his life. All day and night he spent mulling over Lip and Mandy's words. Everything Mickey had been through. Everything he'd endured...going through it all without him. Ian wish he'd just called him. Mandy would have told him how to contact him. Wish he'd just called him to tell him what he was going through, to tell Ian to come home. And he would have. That's all Ian ever wanted...to be wanted by Mickey. Ian loved Mickey and he had been so sure that Mickey had been close to loving him and now this. The boyfriend. It went against everything Ian knew about Mickey so he didn't know what to think. Mickey had been for so long denying his sexuality, denying his feelings. And now he was out. Not only out but he had a boyfriend. And everyone knew about him. Ian couldn't stop the feeling of intense jealousy in his stomach. It should be him...not what's his name. Ian sighed gravely. He needed to wrap his head around this. He didn't understand any of it but he knew he couldn't take all his feelings out on Mickey. Mickey had been through so much and Ian had left him. Ian didn't deserve Mickey. That was something he was sure of. And now? Now he would go about as usual. A forced smile on his face. It was the shittest feeling in the world but he had to. He would without a doubt be seeing Mickey very soon...his breath caught in his throat and butterflies invaded his stomach. He was nervous he realised. But he had to suck it up. He would be seeing a lot of Mickey. And as much as it sucked to not be the one to touch him, to kiss him, to hold him...he needed to show he could still be there for him. Even if it was just as his friend. Mickey had been through enough without Ian fucking his life up again. Mickey was happy now...and for now that just had to be enough for Ian. He didn't have to like it...in fact he fucking hated it...he wanted to scream from the rooftops how much he fucking hated it...but it had to be enough. He could do that couldn't he? He could be just Mickeys friend? He gave a resolutely sigh and made his way down stairs, a forced smile on his face. 

Fiona was making breakfast as he entered. Turning to give him a smile. She'd come in to try and talk to him last night, but he'd faced the wall pretending to be asleep. He couldn't face anyone at that moment. If she didn't believe him she didn't say anything. Just whispered I love you and left. She brought a plate of pancakes over to him with some coffee before pulling out a chair facing him. 

'You ok?' She said softly, a worried expression on her face. 

He thought about lying, telling her everything was fine, but one look at her face and he knew he couldn't do that. He didn't need to push his family away. 

'Not really' he sighed. 'Everything's kind of a mess'

She have him a tight smile before squeezing his hand. 'I know sweetie, but it'll get better' 

He knew she was just saying it to try and make him feel better, what else could she say? But he appreciated it all the same. 

'I know' he gave her a tight smile back, hoping to convey his gratitude.

Fiona chewed her lip thoughtfully before speaking. 'If you want me to ask Mickey to stay away for a while-' 

'No' Ian cut her off quickly. 'Its going to be difficult seeing him around with...with his er..(he couldn't bring himself to say boyfriend) with him but I want him here. I want it to atleast be normal with us. He was my friend too Fi' he told her. 

Fiona sighed before smiling. 'I know'. 

Ian raised an eyebrow at her. 

She have a guilty smile. 'Sorry lip told me everything he knew...I didn't force him but some questions needed to be answered with the way Mickey turned up'. She frowned at the terrible memory. 

'I know it's ok. I'm just glad you've all taken him in' he laughed 'further then I could ever get'. 

She gave a small laugh before looking at him worried again. He sighed before squeezing her hand. 

'Honestly it's fine Fi. It's going to take some getting used to...but I think it'll be good. I want Mickey in my life Fi...so i'll take what I can get'. He gave her a forced smile not adding the thought that had entered his head, the thought that after everything had sunk in had kept him awake the most....if he even wants him in his life...it was the thought that had always been there at the back of his mind whilst he was away....what if Mickey didn't want to see ian? What if ian had hurt him far too much and he wanted nothing to do with the redhead. This thought had only been enforced more with the mention of mickeys boyfriend. He'd now moved on. Obviously not had the same hopeful thoughts as Ian had. But Ian was confused. If Mickey didn't want him in his life at all then why would he have come to the house telling for him? Why would he have stuck around this entire time practically living with the Gallaghers. He knew he was in a new relationship now but surely this all meant that Mickey atleast wanted Ian as a friend? Ian held onto this small bit of hope. He needed to hope. It's all he had left. 

Fiona gave him another smile before taking a deep breath, changing the subject. 'So tomorrow'

Ian looked up, his fork half way to his mouth. 'Tomorrow'

She raised an eyebrow before continuing. 'So we're just going to have the party here, keep it family yano' 

He gaped at her before his eyes grew wide. 'Shit yeah! Debbie's birthday!' How the fuck could he forget.

Fiona patted him on the back before moving to the kitchen. 'Don't worry, you've had a lot on. Christ you've only just got back. You need time to find your feet again'. 

Ian looked at his sister before giving a genuine smile. They could never get anywhere without Fi. She had taken care of them all for so long and she hardly got anything in return. She was the rock of the family, ian didn't know where they'd be without her. He got up and have her a hug. 

'Thanks Fi' he whispered. She laughed before squeezing him back. 

'Its ok...just don't leave us again' she hesitated. 'Well if it ever happens again, and you decide to leave just...just tell us ok?' She bit her lip pulling back to look at him. He nodded guiltily. 'I will' he would never leave like that again, never do that to his family. Never do that to himself. He'd needed them much more then he'd care to admit this last year. But he just nodded and promised her. That's all he could do. 

He pulled back and leaned against the counter drinking his coffee. 'So Debbie's birthday party...who's going to be there?' He asked innocently over his cup.

Fiona raised her eyebrow at him whilst starting to make packed lunches. 'Everyone...the usual crowd' 

'Everyone?' Ian tried to question innocently. 'Like us, kev, V, Mandy?...' 

Fiona's mouth quirked 'yes everyone' she stopped and gave him a look. 'Mickey too of course'

Ian nodded over his cup trying to hide his nervous smile.

'And...I don't know if he'll be bringing...' Fiona coughed awkwardly.

Ian felt a sinking feeling in his stomach but hastily pushed it away. He needed to get used to this. 'Ahhh...him' he said nodding. 

Fiona watched him. 'Yeah...he's been round a couple of times. He tends to help out with Yev'. 

Ian nodded. Mandy had explained to him about Svetlana leaving and Mickey now raising his son alone. It had been one of the reasons Ian had decided to come home. He'd been thinking about it for months but as soon as Mandy told him he'd made up his mind in an instant. His next step was just getting himself kicked out of the army...and that proved a lot easier then expected...especially when they found out he wasn't of age. 

'You'll be alright though? With him coming? I can ask him not to bring him' Fiona looked at him, worry written all over her face. 

'Fi. Honestly it's fine. It's just easier to get it over with to be honest, don't worry I won't act like some jealous ex' he gave a forced laugh. He could tell Fiona didn't believe him. 

'Ok' she said simply. Knowing there was nothing more she could do.

Ian made his way to the back door grabbing his jacket. 

'Where are you-' 

Ian cut her off quickly.  
'A run. Need some fresh air to clear my head, to think'. 

She nodded slowly as he left the kitchen, the door slamming behind him. She knew she should encourage him to get over Mickey. That it wasn't good for him to be so intent on one person so young, tell him that he should go out and meet some new people, enjoy his life, not be stuck on the south side pining after Mickey Milkovich. Yes that's what she should tell him. That's what she would have told him if this last year hadn't happened. When lip first told her Ian was involved with Mickey she had laughed. She didn't believe it. She thought it was a fling that would soon pass. Like a south side thug deserved her brother. Then lip had told her Ian always went on about how Mickey was different with him and that he was so much more then everyone thought. Again she'd laughed. But when Mickey had turned up here moaning for Ian, and then the months following watching him closely deal with so much, raise his son, help out here when she least expected it. Not to mention how much he seemed to watch out for Carl and Debbie...especially Debbie. Well he'd started to become part of their family. And Fiona was even a little proud. She may not be his immediate family but damn it she could be proud of him if no one else would. That's why she could no longer say the things she would have to her brother a year ago. This world was shitty. This neighbourhood was shitty. They're all just clinging on with their fingertips hoping to make it through. Make it through a world where they've been dealt a shitty hand. By their parents. By their circumstance. All they had was love and each other. And if her brother wanted Mickey Milkovich. Who the hell was she to stand in his way?. 

....

Ian walked about not really thinking where he was going...just let his feet decide. He took in the shit neighbourhood he'd missed the last year. He fucking hated it. He'd fucking missed it. It was familiar and comforting to him in the same way it'd be terrifying to others. He knew these streets. Don't get him wrong he didn't want to spend his life on the fucking southside. Hell no. I mean he didn't have any elaborate plans to escape...not since the army anyway but he still wanted to do something with his life...but southside would always be in his blood, something he felt equal loathing and pride about.

He looked up seeing where his feet led him when he stopped with a start. 

'Fuck'

He was on Micky's street. His heart started hammering in his chest. 'Turn around...turn around dammit...turn around dammit and walk away'. He keep repeating to himself. He stood rooted to the spot not moving. He knew he'd have to face Micky sometime and he's been equally nervous and excited about it...but now he just felt sick. All he could hear in his head was Mandy's and Lips words mixed with his own. boyfriend, hospital. Court. Terry. Dead. Boyfriend. Bat. Yev. Boyfriend. Svetlana. Changed. Boyfriend.boyfriend.boyfriend.

Would mickey even want to see him? He gave a humourless laugh. Probably not. Not after everything Ian had done to him. But he couldn't get himself to leave. He would have to see him eventually, and he'd rather the first time not be at Debbie's party in front of his family but still he couldn't work up the courage.  
You're a fucking pussy. He told himself. He'd hardly slept thinking about what their reunion would be like. He was such a fucking idiot for thinking it would be normal, be how it used to be, like stepping back into an old pair of shoes. But everything had happened since then. And he didn't know what to do. He was unprepared for that. He'd just take a look he thought. Just a glance at their house to see if anyone's in. And if not then he'd come back later. Yeah he'd come back later on and see Mickey then....pretending he believed his plan he walked forward, making his way to the dirty house on the end. He stopped short of the house and took it in. The worn out sofa and trash on the lawn. The eroded steps, the door: hardly any paint left and so worn through it hardly kept out the cold...some people would flinch and get as far away from that house as they could. Like every other house on the southside it just screamed poverty and trouble. But to Ian it was like coming home. He felt a shaky breath he didn't know he'd been holding leave him. Oddly enough with the house's familiar surroundings it made him feel a lot calmer...good to see everything hasn't changed he thought. He would give it a last look and then go he thought to himself. God he was a fucking pussy. Couldn't even walk up to a house and knock for fear of who would answer. 

'Ian?' 

Ian's whole body froze staring at the house in front of him. He closed his eyes and swallowed loudly his heart beating furiously in his ears. 

'Ian' the voice stated louder.

Ian turned slowly and locked eyes with the man now in front of him. He couldn't calm his beating heart. He took another shaky breath. 

'Hey Mick' he said softly. 

...

Mickey made his way down his road grumbling to himself about the price of fucking diapers. Jesus Christ he hardly recognised himself anymore...that's a good thing, he reminded himself. He's been through a lot of shit this year...well so many people kept telling him...he fucking knew what he's been through, he didn't need every dumb fuck to turn to him with tight smiles and pity in their eyes telling him what a good job he was doing and how much he'd changed. God is was exhausting living up to people's expectations. Long gone where the days it was just himself, needing to worry about nothing and no one. That's a good thing. He told himself yet again. Well he wasn't fucking perfect, sometimes he fucking forgot ok? He'd left yev with iggy whilst he'd gone out to get diapers...and fucking 5 minutes of peace without yev crying, Mandy demanding something from him, doing runs with iggy and Colin, and having every fucking Gallagher on this planet call him up and demand his attention...not to mention his...boyfriend. He shuddered at the word. Fucking boyfriend. How the hell did he get himself into that mess. Mandy. All fucking Mandy. Fucking pushing him to get over Gallagher, pushing him to get out, saying he deserved some fun for once. He'd only fucking kept the guy around to shut everyone up. To get them to stop whispering around him. Like everytime they brought up ian they thought he'd shatter. All looked at him with pity, sleeping in Ian's bed everynight, like they could tell he was a bitch pining after their brother who'd left him...So he found a boyfriend. Just to shut them all the fuck up...and ok he did it for himself as well. He couldn't stand the pity in everyone's eyes, including his own. He WAS a bitch pining for Ian. And Ian wasn't coming back so better to keep a facade going even to himself then admit he couldn't move on. Well maybe he didn't want to move on! Shutup!!! He told himself sharply. He's not back for you. He repeating the line for the millionth time since he'd heard about him being back. He'd said it that much it started to sound foreign. Truth be told he didn't detest his...boyfriend (shudder)...he was an ok person, he was an alright fuck and he was ok to hang out with, but that's all it was really but he couldn't bring himself to feel anything for him. Mickey couldn't really care if he was there or not. He just couldn't get himself to have those sort of feelings for anyone but Ian. Mickey was a terrible boyfriend. As Mandy had pointed out to him multiple times. But as Mickey had pointed out Mandy had been the one to force him to a new relationship, genuinely happy for him when she learnt he was fucking someone knew, but as soon as she met him she couldn't stand him. He could see her forced politeness and tight smiles she gave, and as much as she denied it, said she liked him, Mickey knew his sister. It looked like Mickey wasn't the only one having trouble with another man in his life who wasn't Ian. But as much as he couldn't really give a shit about his boyfriend he could atleast admit he wasn't a terrible person...he deserved better then Mickey that's was for sure. Now Mickey wasn't so angry or scared all time he could actually acknowledge that another person wasn't so terrible...like kev. Man that tall fucker made him laugh. He was dumb as. And the gallaghers...ok they're alright he thought as he rolled his eyes. Except frank. That fucker could die for all he cared. But the gallaghers where good people. Mickey wasn't made of stone where he didn't realise that! Jesus he swears some people thought he was soulless sometimes....even if Fiona was fucking scary sometimes (and he'd never admit that out loud! Not even if you put a gun to his head!) and lip was a smart ass who needed a fist in his face more then a couple of times a day, and Carl...the budding psycho, he reminded mickey of himself when he was young. Though less angry. Liam...well Liam didn't do much but he seemed to like yev which was ok in mickeys book...and Debbie...Debbie he thought with a Small smile. He had a soft spot for her. Not that he would tell anyone that. But she reminded him a mixture of Mandy and Ian. Her temperament a nice balance of both. And she looked like Him. Like ian. That's the first thing he'd thought when he'd seen her. He'd warmed to her instantly. Sometimes he'd go for days without acknowledging anyone, not even Mandy, not eating not talking. Just staring into the distance filled with emptiness and fear. But Debbie. Debbie had always been the one to get him up. To get him to eat. To get him talking. Fuck if his heart didn't melt every time she gave him those fucking doe eyes. They'd become sort of family to him. An extended fucked up family. And he was ok. More ok then he'd been in a long time. But there was always that emptiness, always that one spot that no one...no one could fill but him. 

Him. Ian. Ian who was now standing outside his house staring at it like it was the best place on earth. Like it was coming home. Mickey froze a cigarette dangling from his lips. He closed his eyes, his heart beating loudly in his chest, blood rushing in his ears. He couldn't breathe. He knew he'd have to see him sometime. He knew that. Fuck it's Debbie's birthday party tomorrow and he knew he'd have to see him there...he'd been tossing all night thinking about it. He'd rather the first time be away from everyone else. He needed to see him by himself first. But being the pussy he was he couldn't bring himself to do it. He'd even found himself outside his house last night like a fucking stalker. He didn't even know where he was headed, just let his feet tell him. And he's ended up there. He's stared up at that house, the house he'd practically lived in for the last year, the house he never even had to knock to enter anymore. The house that had become a second home to him...and he couldn't bring himself to go in...all because of one person.  
So he'd turned around and fled like the little bitch he was. Had told himself go see Gallagher tomorrow. Yeah tomorrow he'd see him. He'd fallen asleep that night pretending he believed his lie. And now here he was. Standing In front of his house because he wasn't a pussy like Mickey, and he didn't have any fear about seeing him again. Mickey took a deep shaky breath the cigarette falling from his lips. He opened his eyes. Ian was still staring up at the house, oblivious to mickeys presence. Mickey gulped loudly before opening his mouth, praying to god his voice wouldn't shake.

'Ian?'

He saw Ian freeze and blankly stare ahead. He didn't turn to acknowledge Mickey which was weird. He probably came here to see Mandy you fucking idiot! And didn't want to see you! Fuck! How could be be so stupid. He should have just turned around and waited until the red head had left. He could do that now but then he'd look like a bigger pussy then he felt. And he needed to get back to yev. He could just walk past ian and pretend he wasn't there. Come on he thought rolling his eyes. You're not that much of a fucking girl! 

He opened his mouth and spoke more firmly. 

'Ian'

Ian turned slowly and locked eyes with him. He saw Ian gulp.

'Hey Mick' he said softly.  
'


	6. A Conversation of Sorts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian and Mickey talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this has taken so long! I was busy with school and the. I was really ill for 2 weeks and this is the only chance I've had! I promise you won't be waiting as long for the next one!
> 
> Spoilers: I'm so excited for the birthday party chapters! So much is going to happen!!! :D 
> 
> Again this is my first ever fic so I'm not very confident, just hope you guys like it :) let me know what you think :)

'Hey Mick' he said softly. 

Mickey couldn't breathe. His heart hammering in his chest 'speak you fucking idiot' he commanded himself. 'He just said Hi and you're standing here in silence, frozen in shock all because you heard his fucking voice. Jesus Christ grow a fucking pair! Fucking speak!' 

Ian stood silently, his eyes never leaving mickeys face. His heart hammering in his chest and Mickey stared at him. 'Oh god! Fucking say something else you idiot. You don't just sigh hi after a fucking year! Speak you asshole' he commanded himself. 

They both opened their mouths to talk at the same time.

'Er...' Ian began

'Yeah hi' mickey began.

They both quickly shut their mouths and looked away embarrassed. 

Mickey rolled his eyes at the situation. Jesus they where acting like teenage girls. He coughed before speaking.

'You're back' 

Ian turned to look at him, the look on obvious relief that Mickey had spoken first on his face.

'Er...yeah, yeah I am' he said shrugging awkwardly. 

Mickey clicked his tongue as his eyes ran down Ian's body. Damn he looked good. He'd put on a bit more muscle from the Army, but not too much where it was overly noticeable. You'd have to really know his body to see this stuff he guessed. And Mickey really knew his body, he inwardly cursed himself at the direction his thoughts where taking. He didn't think it would affect him so much, he knew he was nervous but looking at Ian now just brought so many emotions flooding through him. ...desire, pain, love, desire, anger, peace, love, desire, love, desire...Jesus he was fucked. 

Whilst Mickey had been surveying him, Ian had been doing the same. He ran his eyes up the length of Mickeys body and felt his mouth begin to water. Jesus. How could a person affect him so much? He'd had his eyes on him for all of a minute and he was already picturing Mickeys naked body beneath his coat. He looked good. Ian couldn't deny that. He looked even more built like he's been working out and he was cleaner then Ian had ever seen him. No more dirt hiding his porcelain complexion. His eyes where bluer then he'd even remembered. God he could feel himself getting hard through his jeans, he took a deep breath to calm himself, he really didn't want to make this situation more awkward then it was. Ian's eyes landed back on mickeys face, tracing his full lips as they locked on his eyes. Mickey was staring right back at him, his breathing a little laboured like Ian's...... it must be the cold. 

Locking eyes with one another and having one of the most intense staring contest, they where both hit with the full force of their feelings for each other. They'd both been broken for a year and seeing each other again they'd both never felt so whole. The love that they both felt in that moment had them nearly aching with need. Their breathing began to get even more laboured as they drank each other in. 

A slamming of a door a couple of houses down broke the spell. They both jumped with fright. Extremely embarrassed and flushing brightly they looked away from each other awkwardly. 

'So...' Mickey bagan, scratching the back of his kneck with his free hand. 

Ian looked up his face full of hope.

'You here to see mands? Cuz I think she's out' Mickey saw Ian's face drop instantly and then recover in even shorter time. What was that about? 

'Er...no..I mean yes .I...I was....I was walking and then I found myself here...and yeah she's with lip' Ian stuttered. (God he was such a fucking idiot, he had been waiting for this moment for a year and he couldn't even get a sentence out he was a rambling mess) 

Mickey slowly felt himself relax, taking in Ian's awkwardness. He felt his heart swell painfully with tenderness. He smirked at Ian deciding to play with him and add to his discomfort. 

'So you know Mandy's with Lip but you came to see her anyway?' He tried to stifle his laugh.

Ian's eyes grew wide and he became and even worse stuttering mess.   
'What?! No no I thought...I know she's with Lip, yeah I just, wait, no I, I' 

Mickeys smile grew wider. 'Calm down Gallagher' 

Ian saw Mickeys playful smile and calmed down instantly. This was Mickey. What was he doing? He knew how to talk to Mickey. Mickey knew how to calm him. 'Ian sighed deeply 'I was just out walking clearing my head and I just found myself here. I was going to knock, but I was too much of a pussy'. He glanced shyly at Mickey, a light flush creeping up his cheek at this confession. 

Mickeys eyebrows raised at Ian's confession, so he wasn't the only one who was nervous to see him. Before he could think what he was saying he blurted out the one thing he knew he shouldn't ask. 

'You want to go somewhere?' He inwardly cursed himself. He sounded as if he was propositioning him. That was his line whenever he wanted to meet Ian before he left. He felt mortified at what Ian must be thinking. 

Ian chuckled out loud at Mickeys choice of words. He knew what Mickey meant. Knew he meant to talk but he couldn't deny watching mickeys face panic at what he'd said was more then amusing. He felt himself relax instantly. Just being in Mickeys presence made him relax. 

Ian nodded instantly. 'Yeah' 

Mickey smiled. 'Ok, wait here, I just need to drop these in' with that he ran up his steps disappearing through the door. 

Ian tried not to let it bother him that Mickey hadn't asked him to come in with him, had asked him to wait outside. 'No he thought to himself. It's too soon, he needs to trust me again. And he has Yev now, Mickey can't just bring random people home now he's got a kid. You're not a random person though' he told himself. He mentally kicked himself and tried to Switch off his thoughts. Mickey would invite him when he's ready. That's what friends do right? And if ian was honest he was sort of glad, he didn't really know how he felt about seeing Mickeys kid. Not after everything that had happened. 

Ian glanced up as he heard the door go; Mickey walked down the steps. He ran his thumb over his lip nervously. 'Er...where do you want to go?'

Ian's eyes ran over the movement, his heart swelling at the familiarity of it. This was his Mickey. 

''Dugouts?' 

'Dugouts?' 

They both said in unison. They gave each other shy smiles and walked down the road, falling easily in step with one another.   
God how many times had they done this? Falling Into each others step so easily, sharing a cigarette. Ian thought as he watched mickey light one.

Mickey took a deep inhale to calm his nerves, he glanced quickly at Ian. He coughed awkwardly.   
'Er, you want...' He trailed off as he gestured with his cigarette. 

Ian smiled. 'Sure' he said softly. 

Mickey handed the cigarette to him, their fingers grazed against each other and he could have sworn that electricity shot up his arm into his entire body. He had to look away and take a deep breath. Jesus what was wrong with him?!

Ian's hand shook slightly from the contact with mickeys as he brought the slightly moistened cigarette to his lips. He breathed deeply. He swears he could almost taste mickeys lips. A thought he instantly pushed away...he really needed to focus before he got a boner and made the situation a hell of a lot more awkward. 

They walked in silence, calmly sharing the cigarette. It wasn't exactly awkward between them. There was a tornado of emotions flying between them as they walked on calmly. So many unspoken words and so much sexual tension. To an outsider they would have just seen two ordinary boys walking calmly next to one another sharing a cigarette; they wouldn't have seen the battle raging within the pair. 

They'd just finished the cigarette and Ian was wondering what to say now he didn't have an excuse to occupy his mouth when they reached the dugouts. They hadn't even really paid attention to where they where walking, lost so deeply in their thoughts. They'd both taken this walk together so often that their bodies just paid attention for them. 

They climbed over the gate and made their way to the bleachers. Ian couldn't help but think about the last time they where here. Or every time they'd come here for that matter. And god if his mind, body and soul didn't cry out for the same thing now.

Mickey glanced at the metal wiring of the fence, getting a flash of him holding tightly against it, his knuckles white as Ian pounded into him over and over. Ian's hot breath on his kneck, their sweaty bodies clinging to each other, hoping ian would hold him closer and feeling his heart and skin would burst when he did. Mickey shook his head quickly, he needed to get those thoughts out if his head. That's not what this was.  
He sat on the bench lighting another cigarette as Ian sat beside him, leaving a gap between them; which Mickey was secretly grateful for...he really didn't know if he could contain himself if Ian touched him, he nearly jumped him earlier when their fingers had touched, god help him if they had any real contact. They sat in silence waiting for the other to speak. Mickey smoking and ian drawing patterns in the dirt with his shoe. 

Mickey went for it. 

'Man this is weird' 

Ian quickly glanced up and made eye contact with him. They both held the gaze for a couple of moments before bursting out laughing. The more they laughed the more they felt the tension and awkwardness leave their bodies. 

Ian took a deep breath, releasing the last of his laughter. 'Man you said it' he chuckled quietly reaching over to grab the cigarette from mickey. Ian inhaled deeply before deciding to just dive straight Into the deep end. 

'Been gone a year and everything's changed' 

Mickey glanced at him. 'Alots changed...not...not everything though' 

Ian handed him the cigarette before turning to him. 'You've changed' 

Mickey stared across the field. 'Have I?' 

'Yeah' 

Mickey threw the cigarette away and sighed deeply. 'What did Mandy tell you?' He turned a look at Ian, catching his guilty face. 

'what happened with your dad, how you came out, the court case, Svetlana' he have a deep breath to steady himself. 'How could you not tell me mick?' He looked at mickey the pain etched upon his face. 

'Dont'

'Mick!' Ian pleaded

Mickey stood up and leant against the fence facing ian. 'Just don't ian. I...I don't want to talk about it' 

'But isn't that why we're here?! To talk' ian pleaded. 

Mickey groaned running his hand over his face. 'Fuck!!' 

Ian watched him in silence. Worry and pain etched upon his face. 

'Dont look at me like that Gallagher I'm fine now' Mickey said rolling his eyes. Well that wasn't exactly true. He'd never completely healed after this year. Something always missing. He gave another deep sigh, he didn't feel like having it out with ian. When he'd pictured this moment he wanted to rage at him. To scream at him for leaving him. Mickey didn't blame anything that had happened on ian. Why would he? ian wasn't to blame for what a shit his father was, he wasn't to blame for him nearly getting killed, he wasn't to blame for Svetlana leaving yev with him. All his anger at those things had never been directed at Ian. That was his shit to deal with. And he had. He had lived through and dealt with it. He no longer felt anger for those things. But he was angry. He couldn't deny that to himself. He was angry at ian for leaving him. He was angry at himself for giving him a reason to leave. He was angry that he now had a boyfriend when all be wanted to do was forget his anger and join his lips with the most beautiful person he'd ever seen, ever known in his entire life and kiss him like his life depended on it. Hell it did depend on it. It always had....but he couldn't get Into everything now. He wanted to rage at Ian nearly as much as he wanted to kiss him, but not now. Now he just wanted to breathe the boy in. To sit with him and know that he was alright. That he was here. 

Mickey sighed and looked at Ian a small frown on his face. He knew Ian wouldn't drop it. He have a resolutely sigh, He could get some of this shit out the way. The easy stuff.

'Yeah I came out....it went as well as I'd always expected' he laughed darkly. 'I got hurt...also what I expected. Iggy and Colin saved me' he have a small smile at the memory of his brothers. Of their acceptance of him, and how they'd pushed their own fear of their father aside to be there for Mickey. He never really thought he needed anyone growing up. But in that moment and the months that followed he had never been more grateful to have his siblings. Not that they'd all admit it but everything that had happened...well it had definitely brought them all closer. He sighed and continued. 'Dad got arrested of course, there was a court case...we all attested in court, he went down. In there for a couple of weeks before he got shanked' he gave a bitter smile before glancing at Ian. 

Ian's face was contorted in pain like he was trying to hold something in. 

Mickey frowned. 'Ian, you know...shit...you know that wasn't your fault right.' He stated.

Ian just stared at Mickey. He knew Mickey had deliberately skipped over everything, not really going over any details and he wanted him to talk to him. He wanted to hold him. After everything he'd been through. He wanted to know why and how he came out to his dad. What Mickey had gone through with the court case, he knew how hard that must have been for him, why he hadn't rang him, hadn't told him and he wanted to know why he had come to find Ian that night! But he couldn't ask any of that. He knew he'd need to know eventually but right now he didn't want to push Mickey. It was the first time they'd seen each other in a year, he couldn't demand answers from Mickey when he didn't deserve them. 

Ian cleared his throat, hoping his voice didn't shake. He decided to ignore mickeys comment about it not being Ian's fault. How could Mickey even think that? Of course it was Ian's fault. 'Svetlana?' 

Mickey frowned at Ian's obvious avoidance. He decided to leave it for now. 'Yeah, she...about a month after Yev was born she ran off with her girlfriend' Ian raised his eyebrows.

Mickey chuckled 'yeah girlfriend...' 

Ian laughed darkly 'ironic'

Mickey chucked and sat next to him on the bench. 'Cant say I'm not thankful to be honest' 

Ian glanced at him surprised.

Mickey laughed 'yeah...at the beginning I couldn't look at him. Couldn't be in a room with him...I wasn't....(he hesitated glancing at ian) I wasn't in the greatest shape, I couldn't take care of myself let alone a fucking baby...thank fuck for Mandy' 

Ian nodded slowly staring out at the field, the familiar feeling of guilt creeping through his body. 'And now?'

Mickey mumbled around his cigarette,lighting it. 'Now...now he's alright man, got my shit sorted a bit and Mandy fucking forced me to look after him...I'm glad she did though' 

Ian looked at him surprised. Mickey rolled his eyes at the look. 'Yeah yeah, I get it, no one pictures me being a dad. But I don't know, he's not that bad alright?! I mean it's not his fucking fault I'm so fucked up' he ranted defensively. 

Ian shook his head quickly ' you're not fucked up Mick....(Mickey raised his eyebrow, Ian laughed) ok well you're no more fucked up then me then...or any of us. And...I think you'd make a great dad, I'd never doubt you Mick. Whoever doubts you can fuck off, they don't know you like I do, I know who you really are' Ian said softly staring into mickeys eyes. 

Mickey stared back. 'That right?' he whispered. 

Ian nodded not breaking eye contact. 'Yeah' he breathed leaning closer to him. 

Mickeys breath caught in his throat as he slowly leant forward. He could see every light freckle on Ian's face as he got closer, could see the green his eyes sparkle. He felt like the world was spinning around him. He couldn't look away if he wanted.

The sudden downfall of rain jolted the two boys apart. Breaking the spell before their eyes could close and their lips touch. They both once again looked away in embarrassment. 

Ian could feel the heat travelling up his kneck. Fuck!! What the fuck was he doing. He'd nearly kissed Mickey! He needed to get a hold on himself before he did something he'd regret. He didn't think he could face mickeys rejection. 

Mickey inwardly cursed as he thought what nearly happened. A fucking year trying to get over him and one look at that fucking face and he can't even fucking think straight! He has a boyfriend for fuck sake! He reminded himself. 

Ian hazarded a glance at Mickey and saw him looking as embarrassed as he felt. He needed to lighten the mood quickly. 

'So you and my family?' 

Mickey glanced up grateful Ian had changed the subject. 'Er...yeah'

'Apparently you're a Gallagher now' Ian smirked. 

Mickey knocked his shoulder against the other boys playfully. 'Man Shutup, I ain't a Gallagher, just...just....'

Ian smirked 'a Gallagher' he stated.

Mickey laughed. The tension from the moment gone. 'No just they helped me yano? I was in a pretty bad shape and they really helped me, even though they had no fucking reason too' he glanced at Ian quickly 'you have a good family'.

Ian smiled 'we're your family too' 

Mickey tried to hide his grin as he looked away, it made him feel something he'd never felt growing up in that hell hole. Hearing Ian call him his family was beyond anything he could imagine. Being acknowledged as one of them was...acceptance he realised...for the first time in his life he truly felt accepted. He turned to look at Ian a smile on his face. 

'You alright with that? 

Ian's smile kept firmly in place. 'Yep' 

Mickey grinned 'being part of your family? You'll be seeing me around quite a lot' he raised his eyebrow, he didn't want to think about the implications of what he'd said but Ian only grinned even more.

'Oh yeah, I'm definitely ok with that' 

They continued staring at each other small smirks on their faces, they could feel the tension start to envelope them again. They couldn't bet away from it if they tried. Before anything could happen Ians face suddenly dropped as if a bucket of cold water had been dropped on him. 

'What?' Mickey asked quickly, suddenly worried at Ian's expression. 

Ian quickly rearranged his face and gave a forced smile. 

'Nothing' 

Mickey frowned deeper 'what Gallagher?' 

Ian chewed his lip. He knew he wouldn't get out of this without some explanation at his sudden change. But he didn't know how to say it....he'd been too caught up with his feelings for Mickey that he didn't even think. Too caught up with the sexual tension and the need to feel Mickey that it completely slipped his mind. And now he remembered he felt so cold and lonely inside he didn't know what to do. 

'Ian!' Mickey said firmly. Ian looked at him and felt his heart breaking at the look of worry etched on his face. Why would he look like that if he didn't...? No! Ian stopped that thought. He has a boyfriend he kept reminding himself. He coughed and have a forced laugh. 

'I was just wondering when I'd meet him' he smiled far too brightly. 

Mickeys frown remained. 'Who?...yev? You can meet him at debs party tomorrow'

Ian forced smile remained in place, though a little tighter. 'No, not him' he said in a false cheery voice. 

Mickey frowned again, disconcerted with Ian's obviously fake cheeriness. 

'Who?' He asked slowly. 

Ian blinked, 'the boyfriend' he said laughing. 

Mickey felt like a bucket of Ice water had been chucked over him. He completely froze. He'd been so caught up in his feelings for Ian he'd completely forgotten. Forgotten that Iof course someone would tell Ian, that Ian would have to meet him. He inwardly cringed at the thought. All he wanted was to tell Ian that he didn't matter, now Ian was back of course he didn't want the other guy. He was there only for distraction. But he couldn't do that. Ian and him weren't exactly there yet. Mickey actually didn't know what him and ian where. Where they friends? Mickey didn't know how he felt about that, how could they be friends when Mickey felt so much more? He was so confused right now. So confused about what Ian thought they where, what Ian wanted from him! If Ian even wanted him at all. He couldn't just drop this guy and throw himself at Ian, Mickey couldn't handle the rejection, Ian has rejected him once, he couldn't go through that again. He couldn't let Ian know what he thought, what he felt. Not until he was sure. Sure of what Ian wanted, sure of what he himself wanted. They'd only just seen each other for Christ sake. There was so much unresolved shit they needed to sort, and the stakes where even higher this time. No he couldn't do that. Not yet. 

'Mick! Mickey' Ian brought Mickey out of his reverie. 

'Oh erm...yeah tomorrow I guess...he'll probably come round to debs party I think' he trailed off, avoiding Ian's eyes. 

'Brilliant! I can't wait to meet him' Ian exclaimed happily. God what was wrong with him? He couldn't hear the over the top cheeriness from his voice.

Mickey eyed him warily 'really?' He asked slowly. 

Ian smiled tightly 'really'

Mickey rubbed his kneck awkwardly ' ok' he said slowly. What did this mean? Was Ian ok with the fact he has a boyfriend? 

Mickey looked up at the sky, the rain having subsided a bit. 'Well I better be heading back...yev yano' he trailed off. 

Ian nodded 'yeah me too, Fiona will be wondering where I am' he was glad to hear his voice had returned to normal. 

They walked across the field towards the gate, each in his own thoughts. 

No! Ian thought. He couldn't have them parting awkwardly. He needed to ease the tension between them. They'd made some headway today, he couldn't let it go back to the initial awkwardness they felt at seeing each other. 

'So I guess I'll see you tomorrow then' Mickey said slowly still avoiding his eyes. 

Ian nodded 'yep definitely' he found his eyes travelling up Mickeys body again, drinking him in As his throat dried considerably. He really needed to get a hold of himself. His eyes travelled up mickeys broad chest landing on his eyes. Which where staring at Ian's a small smirk on his lips. 

Again they felt the heat travelling between them. 

Mickeys smirk grew wider. 'See you later then Gallagher' he said cheekily backing away his eyes never leaving Ian's. 

Ian's heart thumped widely. Loving the game Mickey was playing with him. 'Yeah' he breathed smirking right back. Mickeys eyes raked down Ian's body before meeting his eyes again, he smirked one last time before turning and walking away. 

Ian's heart hammered loudly. He couldn't be imagining this. Mickey may have a boyfriend, may have moved on but you can't fake that. You couldn't fake the heat between them. He'd felt it the minute he'd laid eyes on Mickey and he was so sure the other boy felt it too. Mickey couldn't have forgotten him. He just wish he could get Inside the boys head and see, feel what he was feeling. To know if he felt what Ian felt. He wanted to know that this past year it wasn't just Ian pining away, that he too had been in his thoughts. He too hand longed for him. He shouted to Mickey suddenly remembering something. 

'Mick!' 

Mickey turned around squinting as he saw Ian's confused expression. 'Gallgaher?' He shouted back. 

Ian asked what he'd been wondering since he heard of Mickeys place in his house. Something he was too shy to ask his siblings. 

'You know you've practically moved in?' 

Mickey raised an eyebrow wondering where Ian was going with this. 'Yeah' he called back. 

'Where have you been sleeping?' Ian shouted. Holding his breath as he waited for Mickeys answer. 

Mickeys face grew Into a cheeky grin. He chuckled to himself before answering. 

'Where do you think Gallagher?!' He ran his tongue over his lip before wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. He laughed out loud as Ian's mouth dropped open slightly. He turned and walked down the road a grin plastered on his face. 

Ian stood staring after him his mouth hanging open. He knew the answer before he'd asked it, he just wanted to hear Mickey confirm it. And he didn't disappoint. Ian turned and made his way home a grin on his face. No you couldn't fake that. There where so many things still Unsaid between them. So much shit they needed to sort out. And Mickey had a boyfriend. But you can't fake that Ian thought. This was real. He knows Mickey still feels something for him. And he'd be damned if he wasn't going to find out what it was.

As both boys made their way back to their homes, a grin on each face they couldn't ignore the undeniable feeling...the feeling of open wounds beginning to mend.


End file.
